It makes you think~

I lived a very long week March 19th-27th. It was filled with tears, worry, and thoughts. Lots and lots of thoughts. I had a mammogram the week before. At the end, the technician told me "Okay, if there are any problems you will get a call. Otherwise you will receive a postcard in the mail, in about two weeks." That was on a Thursday. The following Monday, I received two calls, two messages left, both telling me to call as soon as possible. My mind started racing. I couldn't get home fast enough. Of course when I call the person on the other end of the phone doesn't know the state of panic I have gotten myself into. She tells me "oh we just need to set a mammogram appointment for you." Okay, so that is when I lose it, start crying. I explain that I was just there the week prior and I was told, I would get a call if there was a PROBLEM. So, I asked what is the problem. Hindsight, this poor being on the other end of the line has no authority to tell me anything. She is probably thinking. Look lady I just make the appointments. She is very quiet then says it looks like the doctor just wants so more pictures and maybe an ultrasound. Next available appointment--"Oh not until next week." I do try and convince myself that must be a good sign. But then again this medical facility isn't known for their patient care, so my confidence isn't that high.
I called a friend, bawling and blathering like a complete loon. Her words are kind and comforting. (It is always nice to have those few friends you can call crying and speaking unintelligible words and they still understand you.) I don't really sleep the next few nights. The third night I sleep, because I am beyond exhausted. The fourth day I receive a postcard, telling me that something was seen, and they want a few more pictures to clarify. In most such cases the findings are benign. I'm thinking that would have been nice to have heard from the start, but I can't go back and change the process I am going through. It is what it is....

Tuesday FINALLY is here! I have an eerie calm about me. Before I leave for my appointment I check my email and there is a google email about people I may be interested in or know. One of them is Bob Carey and he started http://thetutuproject.com/.  He is self-publishing his book: Ballerina. The net proceeds from the sale of the book will go directly to breast cancer organizations. I looked at Mr. Carey's website, read about his book endeavor, and smiled at all the pictures he took of himself wearing a pink tutu.  I don't believe in coincidences, the universe some how knew I needed a little bit of levity in my life. Yep, just the bit of humor I needed before I headed out the door.

My appointment took a little over an hour (it was a very long hour) everything is fine. The mass they found is a swollen lymph node. (I was actually able to see it during the ultrasound.) They are benign. When the doctor delivered the good news I was also informed that my original scans from two years ago were lost after a computer crashed. (Again, information that would have been helpful to know earlier.)

It makes you think....I have no time for fair weather friends, the ones who are only interested in me when I can listen to their woes, yet can't lend an ear to me. I have no time for the people who are mean/uncaring of others. Work is just that work-it is not my life, it does not define me. My family is my core, my life, my loves, my WORLD. My family is what truly defines me~

For the love of brothers~

Okay, so maybe this picture isn't what most people had in mind, but these are my boys. Cosmo Kramer (the French Bulldog) and Peter Kieffer my four year old, kiss /hug dispenser, and absolute joy of my life. Cosmo aka Mo and Peter are like brothers. They bug each other daily, (the picture is a fine example of that) yet have so much love for one another. Peter looks for Mo first thing in the morning to give him a kiss and pat on the head. If Peter has gotten hurt and is crying Mo runs to Peter, sits by his side and howls. They don't share a language, but their bond is incredible. A true love for one another. My boys.....

Happy 2012!

Another New Year is upon us! A lot of people start of with resolutions, lose weight, exercise more, run marathons, recycle, volunteer, watch less TV, spend more quality time with friends/family.

 I just want to be. Be happy, healthy, appreciated, understood, loved, and respected. 

Of course, I have wishes and dreams. Sometimes I think with those wishes and dreams come expectations which are closely followed by disappointment. So this year, I'm going to try and remember to "stop and smell the roses" (so to speak) at least once a day. Get rid of clutter/stuff that is weighing me down.  Appreciate what I have and not worry about what I don't have. Live in the moment. Work on my patience. Yeah, it needs work. Sit back and watch my little boy grow. He is getting so big, so quickly. I'm afraid I have missed a lot already, just by being busy with 'stuff.' 

I wish everyone a Happy 2012 and hope you all accomplish whatever it is you set forth to do.

For the Love of Friends!!!!

We have known each other a long time. Perhaps, not always been connected, but even when we were apart you were in my thoughts. When I look back, the disagreements seem so silly. Some I don't even know what happened. Truly it does NOT matter.
The more I age, the more I reflect. I can't change the past. Nor do I want to. I appreciate the present and welcome the future with open arms. Lessons from our lives are some of the greatest gifts we can experience. Most of the time they are free~

We celebrated your 40th last night. It was grand! I know you don't really appreciate the surprise factor. It also was stunning to you how many people were there, ESPECIALLY from your past. You leave soft little footprints in people's lives. You matter. I hope someday you can see just that.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Friend!!!

Halloween Craft

A while back Dollar Store Crafts had a blog on making a haunted birdhouse village. I thought what the heck. We had some birdhouses laying about, why not give it a go.

This is how my birdhouses turned out. (There were before pictures, but sadly I accidentally deleted them on my camera!!! ) It was just a fun project that even I, the craft challenged couldn't mess up too bad. The best part my four year old son LOVES them!

http://dollarstorecrafts.com/2011/09/make-a-haunted-birdhouse/

Something to think about....

My friend has this posted on her Facebook wall. When I read it, my first thought ~HOLY COW! That is exactly what I have been feeling for a while now.~
I LOVE my friends. Would do anything,well, almost anything for them (meaning -no murder/jail time/ in general any illegal activity is off limits.) I have come over late at night to console after a bad break up, been the voice of reason when truly there was no reasoning, and been the ear for some to bend when they just need someone to listen. I don't do these things because I am keeping track I do them because that is who I am. Heck, everyone needs a release at some point. After a while though, when you only call me for sadness/tragedy/advice it gets old. Or when I call just to say  Hi and the first thing I hear is "it's about time YOU called" or "I would have called but I have been so busy!" That space in my heart gets smaller. EVERYONE is busy. EVERYONE has tough things going on in life.
I think it is good for us all to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror of life.  Are you making/keeping up the efforts to stay in peoples lives? Are there people not making the effort to stay in yours? Perhaps a little restructuring is in order. Just say'n.

My son made me cry today~

My son has been asking to have a surprise day. Meaning a day we can go bring surprises to people of his choosing. I made that promise and today was that day. (Of course another scorching HOT day. I have already mentioned I don't care for the heat.) His thoughtfulness just makes me choke up thinking about it.

First, he wanted to bring flowers to his friends. I told him the thought was great, but most of them would be in school and 3 & 4 yr old boys probably wouldn't appreciate the flowers so much. Peter quickly pointed out "thems moms do." Off we went to buy flowers. He told me that we needed to buy lots, because he wanted to surprise LOTS of people. ( My eyes got a bit misty.)
That was our day. Peter telling me who he wanted to give flowers to and I drove him there. After every flower he would say "That made thems so happy! Let's do more!" At one point he told me I might need to buy more flowers. There are several more people he wants to give flowers to, but timing for us/them was off. As I pulled into the driveway this afternoon he told me today made him really happy. I asked why? Peter "cuz I gave people smiles." (Yep, I cried again.)


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